Klara, difficult to read, it paints a negative picture which I imagine after the fact is much clearer.As they often say, love, infatuation etc.. can blind us. No one is immune.
You gave it your best shot, which is the best anyone can do. Glad you are able to move forward on your own terms. Wish you the best and if anything this whole experience means you are one step closer to finding the love you want.